Breaking down

I look for distractions to not remind me of the truth

The sun for one,

the evening comes like the reaper closing in on me with a cloak of loneliness

How does such a small home without one person

feel like a stadium abandoned of millions

I indulge in tears,

why does every drop make me feel better and worse

Knowing well, I shouldn’t

I think about you

A part of me convincing me to be patient

to be positive, to be realistic, to compromise, to enjoy,

to look away, to be true, to just lie

If it would cost everything I had

if I could swallow the most painful pill

to see the future, just a glimpse

I would do it in a heartbeat

The pain, I never anticipated,

always underestimated

of the loss of something not appreciated

Breaking up has me breaking down

In ways I did not know I was capable of,

Ways I never knew existed

The punishment of the crime I did not know I was committing

Of decisions, I didn’t know I was not taking

I did not even have it, but I lost it

The “almost” that I had

Took away all my peace of mind

Indulgence, gluttony, pride, greed, envy, lust,sloth and wrath

Here, waiting for this present to become my future’s past

I am breaking down

Note:

I wrote this when I was going through a time of confusion and anxiety. When looking at other people’s perfect lives made me even more miserable. But, why is that we only talk about rosy updates on the internet?

Let’s normalize grief and normalize recovery.

I always thought I would sink, so I never swam
I never went boatin’, don’t get how they are floatin’
And sometimes I get so scared of what I can’t understand

But here I am
Next to you
The sky is more blue
In Malibu
Next to you
In Malibu
Next to you

Is it supposed to be this hot all summer long?

I never would’ve believed you
If three years ago you told me
I’d be here writing this song

But here I am
Next to you
The sky is so blue
In Malibu
Next to you
In Malibu
Next to you

Next to you
The sky is so blue
In Malibu
Next to you

– Malibu, Miley Cyrus